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Buell Hunt
Pistol
Competition - May 23, 2012
(Dick Boynton also attended)
Bob Newcomb
The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to
its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply
alternate meanings for common words.
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much
weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.
4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when
wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone
who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the
soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Joe DeMaio
“Ever
since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under
my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him 'I've
got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's
somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy!”
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the
shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be
able to get rid of those fears'.
'How much do you charge?'
'One hundred dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.
'I'll think about it,' I said. Six months later, I met
the doctor on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me
about those fears you were having?' he asked.
'Well, a hundred bucks a visit three times a week for a
year is an awfully lot of money! A bartender cured me for
$10.
'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and
how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed - Ain't nobody
under there now!!!'
Dick Boynton
Y's Men hike - May 7,
2012
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